Hoodlums at Starbucks

Prelude

Babykins has, of this posting, declined to join us on the outside. This is more evidence that we have a shy baby. I know I should just try to relax and not get fixated on dates at this point, but I am getting peevish. This weekend was filled with walking and some spicy food, and this morning I have resorted to drinking a grande misto - regular (gasp!) As I sat eating my un-warmed apple fritter (employee oversite not corrected by hungry preggy) and drinking my delicious coffee drink, I was reminded of a few months ago when I had not-coffee with two of the favorite worker bees from the outlet (who I am very happy to say are, or will soon be, liberated from that nasty place) at that same Starbucks location (which is unfortunate for 2 reasons: 1) it is the closest coffee shop to my house and they think that decaf iced espresso is a viable substitute for decaf iced coffee (it is not, the flavor is completely different, and if they are supposed to be 'baristas' instead of just drink makers (which, obviously they are not) then they should never try to pawn one off in place of the other because this would be an offence to their well trained coffee palates) and 2) it is right next to a high school so in the morning and afternoon it, and the general vicinity are overrun with nasty high school people. )

Actual Blog Post

So, as David, Megan and I were having our various coffee and not coffee drinks, a group of high school hoodlums clumped themselves about the table and curb next to us and began to smoke. I was sitting down and they were all male teenagers (or so I hope, about the teenage part), so naturally (I say with a wink) my first assumption is that they obviously did not notice that I am pregnant or they would not be smoking so close to me, let alone other people who were obviously not smoking. As I realize that they are not going to independently come to this realization, I began to assess which approach would be best to get the desired results (best case, they go away because they were loud and annoying as well, but I would have settled for just putting out the cigarettes). Here were the choices I formulated:

1) sarcastic - can you please stop poisoning my unborn child (said with a snarky smile) - flaw being that I am unsure if high school hoodlums understand and appreciate sarcasm?

2) condescendingly flirty - basically #1 with a smile and wink - flaw being that they were vile and coming up with the smile for #1 would be hard enough, not to mention the wink. Also, this approach has been known to backfire and result in subjects trying to flirt back- which is NEVER the desired outcome. (Nothing endearing about these hoodlums. Sometimes, there can be something sort of endearing or attractive about a hoodlum, like T.I. for example, but these just were just yucky ones. They may have even been fake hoodlums, and there is nothing good about fake hoodlums, they are just lame boys trying to make themselves more interesting in a completely artificial way. My radar for this type of assessment used to be better, but living in the suburbs has made me soft)

3) be straight forward and authoritative - Hey- can you please go smoke somewhere else, I am pregnant and smoke is bad for babies - I think this would be the right choice because I am 30 and did manage the worst retail employees and customers ever (excluding about 4 good ones), besides they may need this advice for the teen pregnancies they could potentially create, or are currently in process.

Alas, I did not get to test any of my formulas because one of the hoodlums noticed I was pregnant and made all his nasty friends move away, a little bit. Maybe he already had a baby?

Today, there were no smoking hoodlums, just lots of students milling around so I observed quite a lot about modern teenagers and came to this conclusion: they are gross and lazy. Maybe all non-teenagers feel that way about each wave of current teenagers, but I don't think the majority of people I went to school with or were friends with at that time were gross or lazy, with a few notable exceptions. (this is going to sound really prudish) Also, everyone I was around wore a lot more clothes, clothes that were the right size (if not a little on the large size) for their bodies. 

Ok, there was one girl who wore mid-drift tops, but she got suspended for it, and there were a few junior high girls that saw me in my tennis skirt in the locker room and asked me where I got it because they wanted to wear it to school (!?!?)

I was voted best dressed, and managed this because I wore dresses (that covered my butt and upper thighs) on days that weren' t my birthday or the day of a sport match (for some reason, at Central people dressed up for their birthdays and the day of a sporting event they were participating in, anything else was suspect) AND I had these black pants that were (gasp) pretty fitted, so I had to make sure I was wearing appropriate underwear, and still never wore a top that covered less than half my butt. Central was nothing like Gossip Girl, and I don't think this had as much to do with it's particular location as the fashion era, just emerging from the amazing androgyny of grunge (which I have to say worked well in such a cold climate), but clothes are so pretty at this moment so I don't understand why these high school people insist on looking so vile. It's not a cost issue, because Forever21, H & M, Charlotte Russe and a whole slew of other cheapy stores have proven they can knock out great knock-off before the real stuff even hits the stores (only for the next 3-4 years though (until I am a top trademark attorney for a glamorous fashion company).

I think taking away sewing class and other Home Ec type classes was not such a good idea, because obviously these people aren't learning anything about good grooming habits, color theory or the proper fit and care of clothing anywhere else. I don't think that they really intend to walk around looking like they are wearing clothes made for trashy 6 year old girls or unwashed rejects from the 1980's, but obviously they are not getting a lot of guidance on these issues.

About laziness - apparently crossing the street has become a lost art, or something only learned in urban centers. As I drove the 1 mile (I know as I talk about laziness, I should have walked, but if there was a baby development, these are not the people I want to come to my assistance, even if they would) I saw students waiting at random places along the road and at first thought they were waiting for a bus, but then realized there was no bus stop near by and they were about 1 block from the school. They were waiting to cross the street because they were too lazy to walk to the crosswalk. I am a frequent J-walker myself, but I feel that if I am not going to walk to the corner to cross, I am going to do it because it saves time, however I watched some of these people stand there the whole length of a stop light, and then some, without crossing. 

I don't know why I found this so fascinating (probably because I am 3 days past my due date and long to be free from my pregnant body) I just wanted to yell at them to run, run across the street, but none of them would! They wouldn't cross the street unless they could stroll across at a very slow pace and there were no cars anywhere near them. I think this has less to do with personal safety concerns that being lazy and having constricting clothes that prevent proper leg movement. These people would never survive in New York.